A New Look.

In an effort to simplify the technological aspects of my life, I have consolidated my blogs into one blog via WordPress. Although I am slowly working on changing all those white-fonted posts to black font, all the previous posts are on my new blog... here's the address and the link for A Way in the Desert:

awayinthedesert.wordpress.com

Enjoy! See you there!

Woman.

You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for.

...there is a mystery to you, infinite depth and endless complexity...

Your strength is a beautiful thing. And when you live in it, when you carry yourself with the honor and dignity that are yours. It forces the men around you to relate to you on more than just a flesh level.

You are worth dying for.

When you live in your true identity, when you find your worth and value in your Creator, when you live "in Christ," in who you really are, you force him to rethink what it means to be a man.


Excerpts from Sex God, by Rob Bell

Deep Unto Deep

"And O God, give me one grace, I pray. Give me the grace to give myself in prayer once again tomorrow. To believe that it matters. To put my heart before You though I feel so unproductive and unfruitful. Give me the grace to spend tomorrow once more before You in love. For I can think of no more noble way to spend a day than to spend it with You, whether I feel Your nearness or not. Oh, help me in the times of fainting. Give me the grace for one more day."

"The Lord does not despise our weakness as we so often imagine. He is not caught off-guard by our frailty. Quite the contrary, as Creator and Savior, He loves and enjoys the process of our finding our strength in Him and learning to lean into Him. It is in our weakness that His strength is made perfect (2 Cor. 12:9), and it is out of weakness that we are made strong (Heb. 11:34). he has set up His kingdom with the inclusion of our weakness. . . [He] embraces us in this place as He beckons us to continually lift our weak voice and our weak gaze in prayer and communion with Him."


excerpts from Deep Unto Deep, by Dana Candler

One Set of Footprints.

You know those days when you wake up and just want to go back to bed, for maybe if you sleep again, things will be different when you wake up? Certainly it's not a frequent occurrence, but it is still that: an occurrence. Or, maybe you didn't sleep well, emotions are high and unruly, and everything is going exactly how you did not plan it: the computer won't load quickly, the email account flops around, your hair didn't "do," you're running late, the juice spills. And now it's raining.

Something that thing you thought was over still creeps into and seeps into your thoughts so often and then rears it's ugly head at the most inopportune times. It is the only earthly thing known to fail me not. Maybe I'm moody, just like today's weather. But, maybe I'm just tired of this too. Tired of trying to be the strong one all the time; tired of reminding myself to learn from this season; tired of trying to have faith that everything is for my good; tired of keeping the feelings down. Tired of the up and down and all-around tug-of-war-type dance with my emotions. Maybe I'm ready for a new season of life. . . I've been trying to learn from this season, trying to learn all I can about patience, contentment, and faith despite utter confusion, but I'm getting so frustrated and worn out.

And yet we add on the most recent confusion-producing moments. Why must these random things happen to me? Why must I feel the results of others' coincidental mistakes that I should have never known about? What are You teaching me, Lord? Why don't I seem to learn the lesson, get the picture? Why must the paths of learning patience, faith, and contentment be so stinkin' difficult and cause so many tears?

Yet, I know that the Lord is faithful to lead me through anything He allows me to experience. He is faithful when I am faithless, and He is strong when I am weak because of the long, unending journey. Even when life does not seem to fit with "everything working together for my good," I know that Jehovah Jireh is my Provider for all that I could ever need.

Perhaps this is just a time that I will look back on and see only one set of footprints. And that's okay with me.

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. ~E.H. Chapin

As We Prepare to Travel

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrowmindedness... Broad, wholesome, charitable views of persons and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."
- Mark Twain

I saw this quote in the front of a book on Paraguay and thought it was a good thought to ponder as we prepare to travel to cultures unlike our own and as we encourage those we meet.

Wrapping Up.

I have one final left in my junior year of nursing school.

After that, it's the beginning of a wonderful season of new and refreshing. I've grown weary from the challenges and facts of life recently; school is demanding, leaving no time to work through the loss of my dear Grandma. I'm looking forward to a few days of relaxation and laid-back moments next week... I'm hoping to have some time to journal, listen to music, nap, think, daydream.

This year has been so good, so hard, and so draining. I learned so much, but it was so much in such a short time period, with additional things to deal with (like planning a summer trip and grieving the loss of my last living grandparent). I'm looking forward to being home, having my own space, resting, reviewing for NCLEX (it's only one year away now!). This summer will be a different summer, but a good one, I'm sure.

But, at this moment, I need to study for my Public Health Nursing clinical final. It's only a few days away!

Vision of You

Come meet us, King Jesus
Oh wind of change blow through this temple
Sweet Spirit of God, come and mend our hearts
For all we have are songs
Unless You come

Awaken what’s inside of me
Tune my heart to all You are in me
Even though You’re here God come
And may the vision of You
Be the death of me
And even though you’ve given everything
Jesus come

Come free us, King Jesus
It’s the only way that freedom’s given
From You and You alone
In the work You’ve already done
For all we have are songs,
Unless You come

Awaken what’s inside of me
Tune my heart to all You are in me
Even though You’re here God come
And may the vision of You
Be the death of me
And even though you’ve given everything
Jesus come

Here we are, Lord
In this place
Crying out for
Your embrace
To hear Your voice
More than songs
Please come
Jesus come

Vision of You

Shane and Shane

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait"

"Wait? You say wait!" my indignant reply
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your Word."

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."

"And Lord you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall recieve.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait"
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and his eyes wept with mine
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run".

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but you wouldnt know ME.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;

"You'd not learn to see through the clouds of dispair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save...(for a start)
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee'.
Yes your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true.
But, oh the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT"


Russell Kelfer

The Nobility of Barren Prayer

And O God, give me one grace, I pray. Give me the grace to give myself in prayer once again tomorrow. To believe that it matters. To put my heart before You though I feel so unproductive and unfruitful. Give me the grace to spend tomorrow once more before You in love. For I can think of no more noble way to spend a day than to spend it with You, whether I feel Your nearness or not. Oh, help me in the times of fainting. Give me the grace for one more day.


Excerpt from Deep Unto Deep, a book by Dana Candler about "finding the richness of intimacy we were made for."

Accept Your Lot---For Now.

"When God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift of God." Ecclesiastes 5:19 NIV

When I was feeling somewhat down and depressed over a disappointing situation that I faced recently, the Lord led me to some wisdom from His Word that helped me to see things from a new perspective. First, He showed me a verse from Ecclesiastes 5:19 (NIV), which says that one of the gifts of God is for someone to "accept his lot." Although I was certain that God was speaking to me, everything inside of me resisted the idea of my accepting my situation as it was. After all, I'm a woman of faith, a Word-filled believer, who strives for supernatural victory in every circumstance. Why should I accept less than God's best in any situation? When I got quiet in my spirit enough to allow myself to discern the Lord's "still, small voice," I realized that He was telling me, "Accept your lot--for now." As He led me next to His instructions in Colossians 3:15 (NIV), I began to understand His logic: "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since...you were called to peace. And be thankful." I definitely had lost my peace because of my disheartening situation, and I was having difficulty being thankful. And I was fully aware that my attitude and my perspective were displeasing to God.

Since I've spent so many years studying the Word of God, and doing my best to apply it to my life, I've come to believe with all my heart that the Lord wants us to prosper and succeed in every area. But I also believe that He wants us to be satisfied and content with our present circumstances, while we wait on Him to lead us into better things. This kind of waiting doesn't mean that we're passive and apathetic. It means that we actively pray and stand in faith for His very best outcome in our situation. And in the process, we maintain an attitude of gratitude, and a sense of peace. Scripture says: "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God." (Philippians 4:6 AMP) It's perfectly okay for us to "continue to make [our] wants known to God" when we are in a disappointing situation, but we must do it with hearts filled with gratitude for what He's already done in our lives. The next verse in this passage says: "And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7 AMP) As we decide to be "content with [our] earthly lot," we will experience the peace of mind and heart that will enable us to go on and enjoy our lives while we wait for the Lord to act on our behalf.

Never being satisfied with our circumstances not only robs us of our peace, but it steals our joy, which the Bible says is our strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) Then we become weak and weary over even the littlest things. We lose our focus. And we become unfruitful. It's hard for us to pray, or to walk in faith. Our lack of satisfaction begins to consume us, and it eventually affects our relationships and our health. Scripture says: "Be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support." (Hebrews 13:5 AMP) This is the Lord's reassurance that no matter how our situation looks, we have not been abandoned by our Creator and Sustainer. As long as we areg looking to Him to meet our needs, we can be sure that His help is on the way. The apostle Paul wrote: "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT) Being grateful and content with our circumstances opens the door to divine blessings, rewards, and opportunities. On the other hand, a lack of satisfaction and gratitude will stall us on the path to God's perfect plans and purposes for us. If you are in a disappointing place right now, I encourage you to make a quality decision to get joyful and thankful right where you are. Believe God for better things--and open the door to the peace and provision that belong to you in Christ!

(Devotional by J.M. Farro)

::Strive::

2 Corinthians 6:4-10

Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Give Me Your Eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights

My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah
Yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Chorus

I've been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all along

Chorus (x2)


Give Me Your Eyes, Brandon Heath

Hmmmm, yessssss.

According to Webster.

weary.

exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness.

having one's patience, tolerance, or pleasure exhausted.

I'm Not Who I Was

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was


I'm Not Who I Was, Brandon Heath


Hmmmm. Yesssss.

Groanings. Or Gibberish?

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

The passage says the Spirit intercedes for us when we are too weak to know how to pray. He intercedes not because we simply don't pray---but when we don't know how to pray.
Imagine this poignant scene. The child of God musters her last bit of strength to collapse before the throne of God. Words do not come---just groanings. . . The Spirit of God searches her heart, gathers her pain, and lifts it to the Father of all comfort. The Spirit of God, knowing both the depth of her agony and the will of the Father, can bring forth glory from even this. He insists that the Father usher overflowing comfort. He urges the child to let the Father have His way. He prays for things she could not bear to pray---that she lacks the courage to pray. He prays for glory.

(Whispers of Hope, Beth Moore)


There are those things, those dates, those memories that nobody knows about. Or maybe a few people do, or maybe they've forgotten just like I almost forgot---until it hits hard and heavy. Those times when we're not sure how to pray. Those times when we're so excited but so confused. . . and absolutely impatient in every sense. Trust. Wait. Why?!

I'm beginning to see a purpose in the mountain I crashed into earlier this year. The last few months have been an incredible, personal journey of discovery, calling and sparked interests. It's difficult to describe in a few paragraphs what has changed, what visions have changed, how the focus has changed, how the heart of the matter has changed. . . But, life is no longer focused on me and getting my life right. . . These days I am feeling so antsy to be beyond these institutional walls. . . I'm feeling more and more ready to be working, serving, living . . . living Christ's love, living as a citizen of another kingdom.

But the mountain is still there. The wish for a teammate is still there. More evident on some days, like today, than on others. I still don't know how to pray. Praying for God's will, yes. But, also feeling the necessity to pray honestly.

And hoping that there is some type of translation happening to this gibberish running through my mind.

Love Them Like Jesus

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus,
carry her to Him
His yoke is easy,
His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

Love Them Like Jesus, Casting Crowns

Citizens of another Kingdom, this should be our aim: to love like Jesus.

Perseverance. Continued.

Sometimes I wish life didn't require perseverance. But, I guess we wouldn't learn, we wouldn't grow, we wouldn't become more Christ-like. It sure can be frustrating, though! This week was a challenging week; it was difficult to remain positive (I failed at that many times). . . for some reason a bitter or negative attitude, one full of complaints, just seems easier than the effort required to be positive.

Anyway, this week an opportunity to encouragement someone came during my clinical experience of observation in the OR and post-op recovery room (or PACU, for you medical professionals). I had the opportunity to watch an emergency surgery which was fascinating, but the circumstances surrounding the surgery were sad. However, I stayed with the patient during post-op, I could hold a hand, listen when the patient wanted to talk, and just be a quiet presence. But, it quickly became evident that the patient was a Christian. The patient was obviously sad and grieving, but the patient still recognized and testified that God is sovereign and uses all of our struggles to minister to others.

Wow. I was blessed and challenged. How the patient could find the strength to be an encouragement to others despite the circumstances was incredible. It also put my troubles into perspective, and reinforced to me the importance of reaching out to others despite our busyness, our struggles, our heartaches. It reminded of the healing that can come from taking the focus off of ourselves and putting the focus back on God, the author of all of our days.

Also, last weekend, one of the Cedarville '08 graduates was killed in a car accident. Obviously a shock to everyone, but in chapel two friends of the student shared that the verses marked by the ribbon in her Bible were Psalm 103: 13-17a

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him...

Alongside the verses, she had written something like "Life is short---live for eternity" (I can't remember the exact words, but it was enough to bring goosebumps and tears!) How minor my troubles seem in comparison to some and, in the midst of it all, God uses every moment to challenge us and encourage us. I am not guaranteed tomorrow or next week or after graduation, so how I am living today that brings glory to God?

Remembering that requries perseverance.

Take a Breath.

Nothing profound. It's just that I'm coming the end of my 7th week here at school, it's already October, clinical rotations are about to change, and fall break is in two weeks.

And there has barely been time for breathing.

'Tis life, I suppose; but somehow this part of life seems wicked fast---and yet I find myself wishing this stage would hurry up and end at the same time? What am I thinking. . . wishing an even faster-paced life on myself?!

There are parts of life I wish were different. Lord, teach me to treasure this time, this moment, this day. . . instead of always looking for that time, that moment, that day. Take these worries, these cares and use them for Your glory. Teach me to take time for You, to set aside time for You. Mold these desires, these deep wants. . . take them and prepare them for Your purposes. . . prepare them to be used as vessels of Your love.

And, while I wait. . .

Enough.

You are enough for me.

When Perseverance Pays Off.

The last several weeks I have been battling some kind of respiratory bug (that's my medically-correct terminology coming out ; ) ). The first two weeks a cold settled into my chest and caused hacking coughs for two weeks. Ugh. Then I had a few days of peace and wellness until---whamo! a sore throat, a sniffles that quickly turned into a head cold. Double ugh. Finally that cold is on it's way out... I'm down to only a few sniffles each day!

But, because life is so demanding, busy, and fast-paced right now I have no option except hang onto the ride for dear life clutching homework in one hand and a tissue box in the other hand. It has been difficult to not be able to take the time to "lay low" and re-energize. Yet, once again, God's faithfulness becomes evident in each day.

I can't do this on my own. It's been one of the biggest realizations this semester. I can do my part, but without God's guidance, strength and forgiveness, I simply will not make it to the end of nursing school. He alone is the solid Rock on which I will push through these next two years.

The last several weeks have been difficult and even discouraging as I realized that the standards I previously put on myself simply wouldn't been attainable this semester. Despite hard work, the results weren't good. But, this week I saw God's hand in so many things: amazing power naps that re-energized me after clinicals; that extra boost of energy to study for several hours despite "working" a full day at clinicals; time management and prioritizing that I didn't know I had in me; feeling like I understood material "inside and out." And He chose to show His power through the great results He enabled me to get this week. It was a welcome encouragement; hey, I can do this after all. It will take work and maybe not match up to my standards of previous years, but that's okay. He's helping me to conquer (and learn!) this information.

I'm learning that perseverance doesn't mean getting the perfect score, the best grade, the highest praise. Perseverance means doing what we can, with what we have, where we are, with a attitude that brings glory to Christ. Too many times I become focused on what I can't do instead of what I can do and how I can do it. Perseverance means being faithful to do our part, while relying on His strength and trusting that He will bring to completion what He has started. He has a reason for me to be here; He has a purpose for me to be spending four years doing this.

Perseverance means giving the glory back to God as He enables us and strengthens us.

Power Outage Perseverance

God provided an extra ounce of refreshment this week, an extra boost to tired spirits and overwhelmed brains. When the power went out last Sunday, we were forced to take a break: no email, no internet, no movies. . . just people and conversations, books and time with Jesus. Actually, this week I only had two days of classes---which was a huge blessing! This coming week I have two huge tests that are looming over my head, so the extra time last week was an added bonus: more time to study and relax.

This week I realized the importance of peace and quiet in the midst of a stressful and daunting semester. I often don't have time to relax for very long because of the never-ending to-do list of this semester. It's not that I'm trying to hide behind my books. . . it's that I almost don't have any other option. Thankfully, studying with other people is essential for learning this type and volume of information, so the social end of things isn't necessarily lacking. Plus, it's been fun to get to know some people I only knew on a first-name-basis before!

Also, because of the lighter schedule this week, I was able to find some time to encourage several friends who needed it. Again, it was through notes of encouragement and assuring them of my prayers. It's easy for me to forget that even though I can't offer someone time, I can still pray for them throughout my day. Often, my mind begins running in overdrive as soon as the alarm clock goes off and I am immediately submerged in all of my own problems, responsibilities and cares. But, this week the Lord gently reminded me of the power of prayer. . . the power of prayer in healing, in encouragement and in strength.

He is always faithful, always lavishing blessings upon us. . . even lavishing power outages to emphasize those blessings! : )