I must admit that I came home tonight with my mind whirling, but it wasn't whirling as a result of the specific thoughts shared tonight. Instead my mind latched onto one thought and suddenly realized how much I feel caught in the middle of an awkward stage, a sort of identity crisis. As I process my future role in a church body, I am hit with the realization that I will soon be the age of a stereotypical youth leader. You know it: that "fresh out of college, perhaps just married and just enough adult, but still young" age. However, there aren't many in this population... in other words, when it comes time to find people to be leaders for the looming swarm of pre-teen and teens, it could come down to, hmmm, two of us? And, quite frankly, I don't know that I will or wantfeel called to fill such a position. Who knows what I will be doing or exactly what my identity will include at that time. Sure, I don't know exactly what time will bring.
But, I can assure you that I don't think many people have realized the lack of people in this stereotypical "youth leader age group."
Which unfurls the rest of the my tangled thoughts. More and more I find myself caught in an awkward stage, a sort of dance between childhood and adulthood. I consider myself an adult (thank you) yet have still been labeled as a child at times. However, this is the least of my worries. Due to this stage of life, connections are seasonal at best. I mean, school, then home, then school, then home...
Take a good look at the life of the young adult group and you will find it lacking. Two people only home for 1/4 of the year. I speak for 50% of that population when I say that the young adult group is certainly not what keeps me here.
So, how do we "fix" the problem? I'm not saying we can fix this specific issue... you can't create more young adults. And, how do you create a connection for a group that is absent for 3/4 of the year?
But, why aren't we attracting young adults?
It's probably a vicious cycle. Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the connections that are made in the short months. But, one thing is certain: I'm not the pre-teen or teen with handfuls of buddies, and I'm not married with a kid on my hip. Sort of lost in the shuffle. I'm not a member of the masses in need of a youth pastor; neither am I a mom in need of time away or parenting advice. But, I'm in school, I'm working through heartbreak, I'm feeling young, I'm working through grief, I'm raising questions, I'm building dreams, I'm working, I'm tired, I'm worried about finances, I'm excited about life.
I've dipped my toes in other young adult groups, and I've seen the "green, thriving grass on the other side of the fence." I've seen the blend of people, identities.
It was a short taste. But I miss it. I miss becoming a part of that support group, I miss having that support group to fall back on and learn from. (Don't get me wrong, parents are a wonderful support! But, the age group that I looked forward to being a part of is suddenly not here. Not really anyone's fault... But I think it's a fact that most people don't see and you just might want to consider the future implications of this dwindling age group.
When they're looking for a youth leader and my age/identity makes me a prime suspect, will I be around? Or, will I be out looking for my peers, looking for a connection with them?
Blame it on the time of day, my tired mind, or the disillusionment of a college student. But, something's missing.
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3 comments:
A genuine call for honest evaluation.Thanks for being vulnerable and challenging the congregation.
Well said! Not that I know all your thoughts :)but from my observations I see many of the same things and would raise some of the same questions. Thanks for your courage to "lay it out there"!
A church community loses much when they lose (or overlook) any particular age group...
Brianna,
There are two important things you touched on that are very true, no matter what stage of life you are in.
1. We all have a desire to feel valued and nurtured.
2. Whenever you have the opportunity to "leave your bubble" (if I may put it that way without sounding harsh - I merely am referring to the place where you've found protection and familiarity), you are much more attuned to differences, good and bad. When those differences are positive and we experience an aspect of life or the church that, as I said above, nurtures our growth or makes us feel valued, we quickly connect. And no matter how brief the encounter, it will be one we miss, for it was life-giving.
There is nothing wrong with how you feel -- of course it is normal and it is what will encourage you latch onto new experiences and ways of thinking that will help you grow and mature. And the truth is, we all tend to gravitate to people of our own age as we muddle our way through similar life experiences.
I think at each stage of life we find different things more/less life-giving. The older we get, we become more reflective and accepting of how things are and see all of life in a more integrated way. There is a richness to this in older people (of course this is why the Bible and many cultures put so much emphasis on listening to the counsel of our elders!) But there are pitfalls too. We become less willing and even more fearful of change. And we can be seen as more rigid and perhaps "living in the past."
You, on the other hand, have a special gift that balances that out. You are hopeful, future-looking and ready to move ahead. You are willing to ask question. You are less fearful of change since you live it from season to season, as you pointed out. You have wisdom and insights to complete the picture of life and Church that we all need to see.
You are not a stereotype. You are not caught. You are an intelligent young woman with a free-will. And because of that, you are a blessing with a voice we need to listen to. Continue to speak your thoughts so that the Body of Christ can be spurred on to better extend His love and care.
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