This week has been absolutely draining in so many ways. Constant responsibilities. . . huge demands of time, effort and emotions. . . tasks, test, or projects that seem practically impossible. No end in sight to this constant requirement of energy, during which you're still supposed to have time to "relax and have fun." We are feeling like we are being stretched as thin as possible. It has been difficult to limit the complaining, squelch the bitterness, and let go of the human desire to have to do everything on my own.
I can't do it by myself.
I reached that point late this week. The complete and utter realization that I simply will not survive this semester if I try to do this on my own. I'm going to have to do my part, but recognize God's strength and His control of the outcomes. Although it can be hard for me to remember, He is even in control of tests that may ruin GPAs and make the scholarships disappear, hence meaning even more loans---something that is not cool think about right now. The standards I place on myself will have to flex this semester, possibly this whole year. I'm just going to have to do what I can, and be satisfied with that. And having satisfaction in grades that are lower than what I like to see will require perseverance.
In the midst of this absolute insanity though it's been refreshing to be able to encourage several people. Last Sunday and this week I was able to write several notes to people. It can be difficult to sacrifice some of my time to pour into someone else's life. . . but it is so refreshing too! Trust me, I know that it would be easier to stay focused on my to-do list---I am still trying to catch up on reading, so why in the world would I sacrifice a few moments to minister to someone else? Encouragement, a part of the servant lifestyle that I am still learning about, has an incredible knack for shifting your focus from yourself and your mountain of problems to someone else and their needs. Even if you can't meet their needs immediately (or ever) or tangibly, a bit of encouragement, a little note, a smile can truly brighten a day or give that extra boost that is needed.
We must allow God to use us as vessels of His love. . . even when we ourselves feel like we are barely managing to keep up.
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2 comments:
Our prayers continue with you. We wish these lessons of life and faith were not so hard...but are grateful for your eyes and heart desiring to learn.
We love you.Always.
~M
Absolutely, :-)
You are right, I think the most energizing boosts we get come from sacrifice and true sacrifice is not out of our excesses (be it time, money or energy) . . . it's when we lay down our life for others that we receive a new realization of the life Christ has for us. Worship is like that too, when we're feeling at the lowest point and make the choice to give a sacrifice of praise (as I hear you do so often on your blog) we receive back from Him what we need for that day -- our daily Bread.
May Christ bless you with your Daily Bread today and this week!
Lots of love :-)
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